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North Koreans: Winners of The Lottery of Life

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In a shocking and inarguably scientific poll from North Korea, the “global happiness index” ranks North Korea and its allies as the most chipper and delightful places to live.  The North Koreans aren’t totally deluded by their flawless, Fearless Leader that they alone are the pinnacle of joy and bliss.  No, the fellow communist country China ranks number one on the poll!  Don’t believe that China is a land of happiness?  Just ask the China teen who sold his kidney to buy an iPad2.  (China is particularly happy if you don’t want to do something crazy like believe in a God, else you’re pretty likely to be thrown in jail).  Ever the pragmatists, North Korea is only the second happiest place to live according to the poll. 

And where does the good ol’ USA fall?  Despite DisneyWorld, free speech, DisneyLand, free elections, and Oprah’s very own cable network, we are dead last at 203rd. 

(Eurasia faired relatively well in the poll, as the North Koreans were just informed the war with Eurasia had come so a satisfactory conclusion.  Then a picture of Uncle Sam was placed on screen, and the two minutes of hate commenced.)

The real moral of the story? If you are a despot who is going to oppress your poor, impoverished, half-starved people, make sure you have enough propaganda to make them believe they have it waaaaay better off than those darn capitalists! This is why most communist countries don’t let average citizens have things like, oh, phone or internet, else they’d realize how very screwed they really are.  (Well, that or the moral of the story is that some North Korean information minister just made this whole thing up.)


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